This is so painful to
write but if I can help one person, it is worth it.
I have cried because I
woke up in the morning.
So much has happened in
the last 4 years, a flood that never seemed to end. Then Covid brought more seclusion for us than
most people. You see, Himself’s cancer
treatments have left him with a compromised immune system. Being ‘out and about’ is not an option.
I was so lonesome. All of my social activities stopped. Facebook had become unbearable as I
discovered the true nature of family and friends. There were verbal attacks and snarks on my
Facebook wall because of perceived political standing or the fact that I wore a
face mask. Mind you, I actually knew
everyone that was a “Facebook friend”.
By October, I’d had all
I could stand. I explained to my 50 ish
“FB friends” I was having a very hard time and I needed encouragement. That I was leaving Facebook so I needed real
contact by either email or a phone call.
Please help.
Oh I got tons of
freaking stupid emojis… crying face, ‘caring hug’…
got a bunch of “I’ll email you” and “I’ll call you”. Or the worst, "You're so strong! You'll be fine."
NOT A SINGLE PERSON CONTACTED ME. In fact, I've never heard from
any of them ever again.
I’ve read that a
percentage of those contemplating ending their lives will “bargain for hope”. They tell themselves that if just one person
speaks to them, they won’t do it. Survivors
have testified to what it meant to have someone say, “I’m here… I’m listening”. And notes testify to what it meant when there
was only silence.
Thankfully, I never went
far down that terrible road where I actually thought about taking my own life. The next 14 months were so painful, so dark
as I dragged myself thru. I changed a lot because that is what it took to survive.
I tried to get “help” –
a counselor or a shrink – but with insurance it was nearly impossible. Too many ahead of me in line (waiting list), and
without insurance it’s too bloody expensive.
However, the insurance
company gave these helpful (NOT!) suggestions:
Talk to a friend
Find a group counselling
at a church or such
Read a self-help book (Seriously)
I’m getting to be OK now. But my
heart breaks for those going thru similar.
PEOPLE! If someone says they need
to talk… FREAKING. TALK. TO. THEM.
You may be saving a life.
You will definitely be
saving a heart from breaking.