"You're So Strong…"

 This is so painful to write but if I can help one person, it is worth it. 

I have cried because I woke up in the morning. 

So much has happened in the last 4 years, a flood that never seemed to end.  Then Covid brought more seclusion for us than most people.  You see, Himself’s cancer treatments have left him with a compromised immune system.  Being ‘out and about’ is not an option. 

I was so lonesome.  All of my social activities stopped.  Facebook had become unbearable as I discovered the true nature of family and friends.  There were verbal attacks and snarks on my Facebook wall because of perceived political standing or the fact that I wore a face mask.  Mind you, I actually knew everyone that was a “Facebook friend”. 

By October, I’d had all I could stand.  I explained to my 50 ish “FB friends” I was having a very hard time and I needed encouragement.  That I was leaving Facebook so I needed real contact by either email or a phone call.  Please help. 

Oh I got tons of freaking stupid emojis… crying face, ‘caring hug’…  got a bunch of “I’ll email you” and “I’ll call you”.  Or the worst, "You're so strong!  You'll be fine." 

NOT A SINGLE PERSON CONTACTED ME.  In fact, I've never heard from any of them ever again. 

I’ve read that a percentage of those contemplating ending their lives will “bargain for hope”.  They tell themselves that if just one person speaks to them, they won’t do it.  Survivors have testified to what it meant to have someone say, “I’m here… I’m listening”.  And notes testify to what it meant when there was only silence. 

Thankfully, I never went far down that terrible road where I actually thought about taking my own life.  The next 14 months were so painful, so dark as I dragged myself thru.  I changed a lot because that is what it took to survive.

 

I tried to get “help” – a counselor or a shrink – but with insurance it was nearly impossible.  Too many ahead of me in line (waiting list), and without insurance it’s too bloody expensive. 

However, the insurance company gave these helpful (NOT!) suggestions: 

Talk to a friend 

Find a group counselling at a church or such 

Read a self-help book (Seriously) 

I’m getting to be OK now.   But my heart breaks for those going thru similar.  PEOPLE!  If someone says they need to talk… FREAKING. TALK. TO. THEM. 

You may be saving a life. 

You will definitely be saving a heart from breaking.